I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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