Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
