OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
