I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
