She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
