you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hippo gnu deer
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
