An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
