I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
