My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize