maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
