evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
