i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
