Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
