Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
