Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
