I want to have your abortion
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
