ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
