Old men and throwing up are my life now.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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