Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
