i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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