My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
