I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
