He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
