I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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