I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
