i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
