Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
