it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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