Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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