There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
