i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
