You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
