Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize