Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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