just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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