you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
