my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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