And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
