when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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