Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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