I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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