Only a mothe r could love this liver
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize