man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
