it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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