I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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