dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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