She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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