She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
