there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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