my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
