I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
