i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
