Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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