So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Nicole vs. Life
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
