Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He shit in the fireplace
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize