You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
