i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
