What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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