Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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