then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
