Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
