she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
