It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
