So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
